My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
