The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
