Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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