I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
