I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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