just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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