Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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