At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
