butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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