If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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