My friends, they love my intelligence
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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