Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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