I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
