im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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