I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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