Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
