At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
