Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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