my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
