apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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