I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
