Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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