When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
