Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
