you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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