Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
