my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
