M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
