I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
