I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
