Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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