My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
