As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
