good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
