i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
