Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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