RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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