What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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