you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
