Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
