i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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