They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
