but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
