If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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