I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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