I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
