I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
