Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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