So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
