mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
