I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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