So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
