you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
