try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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