How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
