i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
