I puked a lego.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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