New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
