I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
