Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
