Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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