I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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