We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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