ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
