She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
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Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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