Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
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I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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