I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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