God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
