woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he's gonorrhea incarnate
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
