I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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