I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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