First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
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it's not cheating when I paid for it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
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