Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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