Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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