I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I love black thongs
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's shark week go big or go home
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
