but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
